The start

I have wanted to blog for a long time and didn't know how to get started. I guess you have to start somewhere with everything. Baby steps. I really am clueless when it comes to this stuff but I will give it a try. I just have so many things that I don't share with people because I don't really have people to share them with. Tips. Deep thoughts. Ideas. Feelings. It's about to be published here.

This hand is where it basically all started. My pregnancy with Sariah was my most challenging. She was baby number five. I went in to be induced on Friday, July 3rd and found out that sometime over the last day she had died. She was born on Saturday, July 4, 2009. She was stillborn. That day has changed my life forever. I have questioned so many things since then. I have felt the depth of sorrow. I have felt physical pain from the loss of my baby. I have felt peace and I have felt turmoil. I have felt betrayed and abandoned. I have felt on a physical and emotional level. My spirit has been crushed in so many ways. I have five children living and one flying. Sometimes I have all my living children there yet I look around looking for someone because it feels like someone is missing. She is missing. I'm still struggling through this experience three years later. I'll make it through. This is my journey.